Before You Become Bedmates, First Think About This (Part 2)

How well do you know your partner?

This is the part 2 of my 2-part series on the topic, “Before you become bedmates…” If you are yet to read the part 1, simply follow this link to read the part 1

Now, let us move on.

In the part 1, I concluded by saying, that you should not become a bedmate to a person whom you cannot yet describe as a soulmate. And that this is important because, the realization that someone is not your soulmate when you have already sold yourself out to him or her is heartbreaking. I emphasized that, this realization can tear the soul apart.

To continue, there are many who don’t really know what it takes to know a soulmate. Someone may say, “When it comes to knowing him/her, don’t go there. I know my guy/girl very well.”

If you are one of these persons, this is my question to you: What is your definition of “knowing”? See, knowing someone here does not mean knowing your friend’s name, the skin colour, beauty or handsomeness, his/her readiness to spend lavishly on you, etc. Beyond all these, ‘knowing’ someone entails having a clear knowledge of his or her life’s direction; where he/she is heading to in life; his/her value or belief system, visions and other vital information that matter to destiny fulfilment. When all of these are in alignment with your spirit, then he/she is your soulmate.

Here is another point you need to know, and that is, it takes time to know if someone is truly a soulmate. Knowing or becoming a soulmate to someone is not a week’s or a month’s exercise. So, don’t say, “From our outing and interaction in the pasts few days, I’m convinced that this guy or lady is my soulmate.”

Don’t be carried away by lust (or blinded by emotions). When it comes to knowing or becoming a soulmate, it is crucial and rewarding to use the both side of your brain. This is to avoid regret when the eyes become wide-opened after the mistake has been made. It is said that experience is the best teacher. This may be true only in some cases. Experience teaches better if it is the experience of another person. What this means is that, don’t wait till you experience something before you learn the lessons. Instead, learn from the mistake of others.

Briefly, let us consider 2 questions you may want to ask.


How can I know if someone is my soulmate when we have not become bedmate?

It is a popular notion that, having a sexual relationship with a partner helps both partners to know if they match each other and better build a relationship. See, don’t be deceived. This is only a myth; that is, a false belief. In fact, it is a logical fallacy to think or believe that becoming a bedmate to your partner will help you have a happy relationship. It will not; instead of igniting the flame of love, sex will gradually put it out and finally quench it.

This is why.

First, sex is never an expression of love outside the walls of marriage. Outside of marriage, sex satisfies lust and once it is done, the seemingly love disappears because it was never love in the first place, but lust or better yet, infatuation.

Secondly, when you become a bedmate to someone, you lose your value. These are 10 things women of value do differently. See, everyone knows that valuable things are kept well-covered or wrapped. Unlike cheap things, expensive materials are not opened or handled anyhow by every Dick and Harry. They carry higher price-tags on them such that it is only the man who is able to meet the requirement that gets it. Try visiting the “Boutique” and the other market called “Bend-down and select.” Then, you will understand this better.

Thirdly, becoming a bedmate to someone makes you lose your credibility and dignity. How? Having sex with someone outside marriage makes you become untrusted and unreliable in the eyes of the other person. Within him or her, your sex partner says, “If he/she does it with me, he/she can still do it with others.”

And most importantly, becoming a bedmate with a person produces hatred and pains because outside of marriage, sex is both a forbidden and bitter fruit. You can’t take an unripe fruit and not gnash your teeth. In the same vein, when one becomes a bedmate to someone by eating the bitter fruit of premarital sex, it drains the love of God from his life first, and then, from the relationship. It empties your soul; and you feel separated from your life’s source. It pays to know that sex is a special gift from God Almighty to be given to only the one you are married to.

From the above points, it is crystal-clear that becoming bedmates does not help to cement a relationship. Instead, it destroys it and brings pains and regrets to the victims.


If I have found that someone is truly my soulmate, can we become bedmates?

From the forgoing, this question has been answered. You only become a bedmate to the soulmate you are married to. Carefully mark my use of words: “the soulmate you are married to.” Meaning that you are not to become a bedmate to any one even if he/she is your soulmate until you are married to each other.

And mind you, from the definition of a soulmate given earlier in part one, a true soulmate will respect you and help you keep your values or principles. No matter how much he/she wants it, a true soulmate will not take advantage of your weaknesses. He will not pressure you to open or unwrap your special gift before the right time, knowing that once it is opened, it becomes a cheap thing and will earn you pains and regrets.

To conclude, when building a relationship, don’t rush to become a bedmate to your partner. But instead, first seek to know if your said partner is truly a soulmate to you. And even if he/she is found to be a soulmate, never become bedmates until you are married to each other for the reasons already given.

The bottom line: “Seeking to be soulmate instead of bedmate is a sure way to build a fruitful and lasting relationship.” Do you desire to be happy in your relationship, then avoid the grievous mistake of making yourself a bedmate. Seek for a soulmate who will help you fulfill the meaningful life you were born to live.

Today, become a happy better you, unleash your fullest potentials and live your best life.

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